Gatekeeper: Intro

My existence has existed ever since existence existed. That’s how old I am. I don’t really mind. What I hate is doing the same task over and over and over and over again. The thing is, my job is to judge souls whether they will enter heaven, purgatory, or hell. It may sound coming with heavy responsibilities, but not really. In reality… after the reality, rather, the souls are already destined to their certain paths. All I actually do is press the button that send them there. My job is actually very boring and a no-brainer.
It was fine after the first couple of thousand years. After the 69th thousand, my fuse just detonated. I can no longer hold it in and did what every smart creature must during such times — throw a tantrum. I laid down there flailing my arms while crying and shouting. After getting hit by two thunderbolts, however, I’ve realized I’m only making Kami-sama angry. I decided to neglect my responsibility and hold a placard saying “This is boring! ヽ(`⌒´)ノ” outside the gates of heaven. When the line got a few miles long, I was finally summoned by the supreme being.
“What in the actual heavens do you want?” asked the one, err three, wait no, one bearded dude.
“I have been doing the same thing for 69 thousand years,” I protested.
“So you want to quit?” a booming angry voice replied.
“Errr,” my voice quivered, “not really.”
“So what do you want!?” the voice asked again in a booming angry manner.
Since then, I can now see the object that caused the death of each soul. Some where pretty normal and typical like knife, bullet, cancer cells, saliva, etc. What keeps me occupied, however, are cum, snot, farting, staple wire, and my favorite, poop.

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